I remember a few months back, staring incredulously at the bank statement on my phone. I knew it was coming. But now that it was here, I still had a hard time accepting reality of the latest entry. It was a deposit. From the Social Security Administration. I really was retired.
Yes, I know, retirement is supposed to be a good thing. The time and freedom to do what I want. When I want. Clean the garage (or not!). Go fishing. Plan a post-COVID cruise. Detail the car, then take it on a long drive with Helen. With the top down. Blasting classic rock songs.
Instead, there’s the nagging feeling of things left undone. Or being done too soon, almost before I even started. Oh, I had a wonderfully fulfilling work life. My first job was more than 50 years ago, an “off the books” summer job for a produce wholesaler loading and unloading trucks at restaurants all over central New York. Eventually there were careers in journalism, university public relations and, finally, education. Now, I answer only to God and Helen.
The feeling reminded me of watching my daughter drive away to North Carolina with her fiancé. For 19 years, my primary focus in life had been being her father. It was my identity. But as I watched my identity disappear down the street and around the corner, two words entered my head – “Now what?”
Those same two words bounced around my brain as I stared at the new bank deposit. “Now what?” The real question, of course, was a bit more philosophical but nonetheless just as real, “Why am I here?”
I have never been especially strong at discernment. All too often, I thought I knew where God was pointing me, only to have friends ask later, “What were you thinking?” That’s why, for the really major things, God tends to do the equivalent of slapping me on the back of the head – as he showed me several weeks later.
The question “Now what?” is still the starting point of my retirement discernment. The answer must focus on contributing something of value to avoid becoming inconsequential. Ramping up activity instead of shuffling off to the sidelines.
Retirement doesn’t necessarily mean my goals as a human being have changed. With the luxury of time, I should have more and better opportunities to serve God, serve others, and to find fulfillment in this precious gift of life God has granted me. I simply need to discern how God wants me to achieve those goals. In other words – “Now what?”
Stay tuned.
Now What? 