It’s unfortunate but I’m going to have to abandon my four pets. They simply fall short of the new measure for acceptance in the Casella household – the qualities now deemed most important for acceptance and success in 21st century America.
It’s a simple story, really. When I came down the stairs a couple of days ago, the dog and two cats were sitting in a circle in front of the parrot cage. Lana and Ralph – mother and son cats – had joined Didi the dog in polishing off a load of mini candy bars. All that was left were the neatly-torn wrappers. Roxy the parrot was intoning, “One for you, one for you, one for you, one for me…” The animals had somehow found a brand new “Sharing Size” bag of Nestles Crunch minis and, as directed by the bag, were sharing their booty.
The candy wasn’t the issue. Taking what wasn’t theirs was no big deal. It was their actions afterwards. Up until now, the pets were vital members of our family. But what they did next changed everything.
When Helen came home and I told her what happened, her response was, “Oh, I don’t think so; that’s just not true!” She looked at me as though I was the one who scarfed down the chocolate bars – which I don’t ever remember putting in the fridge… or even seeing, really!
As their benevolent owner, I had cared for these pets for years. Surely they would repay my largess with the loyalty I expected – demanded – of them.
“C’mon guys,” I told them. “Tell mom. That’s what happened, right?”
Unbelievably, the cats and dog looked around and rolled their eyes with “Who, me?” looks on their faces. And Roxy looked dead straight at Helen and blurted out, “Nope!”
That was it. Their fate was sealed.
The values of any society – the standards of judging what is and what is not acceptable – are always established by its leaders. In this era and in this country, loyalty is now considered the most important quality in our moral code in maintaining a well-ordered society. Loyalty trumps even truth.
And for refusing to give their unquestioned loyalty to me, the ultimate head of our family unit, the pets abdicated any stake in our “household society.” As a result, they have made themselves unworthy. Expendable.
They are now heading out on their own. Lana has shown the most survival skills – once spending the night outside in the woods before showing up for breakfast the next morning. Didi and Ralph have formed a rather odd duo; they have a chance of making it if they continue to look out for each other. Roxy is the most vulnerable. She’s almost 31years old, has no survival skills and, with clipped wings, has no chance to escape predators.
But, hey, it’s a tough, predatory world out there. It’s not really my concern what happens to them. As the boss, my only concern is the advancement and well-being of those who remain loyal to me.
And what about Helen, my wife? I hope she hasn’t had enough of me. But I think may be looking for a luxury apartment somewhere in a midtown Manhattan high-rise.
Satire can be a good way to tell a story and ask the reader to think. I hope that’s what this tale has done. Agree or disagree – please leave a comment. Better yet, I hope you will subscribe. Just scroll down, enter your email address and click “Subscribe.” I try to upload a new entry every couple of weeks or so.
Now What? 