Pat’s Final Gift

My mother-in-law, Helen’s mom, died last week. Pat Howell was 88.

Mom Howell was in her 70s when I met her. She seemed to be the perfect example of the elegant, sophisticated, soft-spoken Southern woman.  Early on, when I passed that observation on to Helen and her siblings, they were quite bemused, saying that’s not nearly the woman who raised them.

Pat was a businesswoman; she and her husband Bob owned their own printing company for nearly 40 years, going toe-to-toe with suppliers and handling all employee issues and concerns. She raised seven strong-willed, independent-minded children. She was such hell-on-wheels, her family nickname was Brute. This certainly was not the Pat I got to know, a quiet woman devoted to her church and her family of grown children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Pat Howell suffered for many years with COPD, which sapped her strength and vitality. She broke a hip in August and was released to home Hospice care a few weeks ago. It was her wish to be home where she could look out her bedroom window at her garden and the birds around the feeders instead of being surrounded by medical machines and hooked up to IVs. Mostly, she wanted to savor as much time as possible with her sons, daughters, grandchildren and sister Paula.

And that’s what happened. She was never alone; family members sat with her continuously. Still, those last few weeks were difficult for Pat as she grew weaker, slowly and begrudgingly yielding to the fog of the end stage. A couple of days before she slipped away, she woke up a bit and whispered a question to Helen – “Am I dying?”

“Yes, Mom,“ Helen answered gently. “You’re going to be with Jesus and Dad.”

Pat shot back immediately, “What time?”

Helen had to stifle a chuckle. Typical Mom, Helen thought, a woman who spent most of her life raising kids while simultaneously running a business. Needing to know what to do next and what time to do it.

But you don’t need to be loaded with responsibility to look ahead. If you think about it, that’s pretty universal. I know I focus more on the future than the present. For example: When’s our next band jam? When can I finally travel to see family and friends back in Syracuse? Will I make it to heaven? These are the things in my head. Listening to music and enjoying a glass of wine while sitting on the lanai to watch the cardinals and hummingbirds? Not so much. I mean, heck… even the title of this blog is the forward-looking “Now What.”

I daresay if you think about it, you’re probably not much different.

That was the wonderful gift Pat gave to her family – time to enjoy just sitting with her. No looking ahead, really. Just the “now.” Fully aware of God’s wonderful gift of living life in the present. Thanks, Pat. I miss you. We all do.

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